The solution to everything...

... is always chocolate. Sometimes alcohol. Sometimes both combined in a delicate and beautiful combination known as chocolate liqueurs.

When I was a girl (I'd say around five or so) my mother received a Christmas/Holiday gift from someone: a little miniature wine case with little chocolates shaped as wine bottles (something like this, though the crate my mother received contained way more than eight mini-bottles). Each metallic wrapper bore the brand name of a different alcoholic product. One was peach schnapps. One was jet-black with the Jack Daniels brand on it. Each looked enticing. It was candy. Candy couldn't be bad, no way, no how.

I knew it was my mother's present, not mine. But the covetous thought of chocolates that did not belong to me was too great a temptation to ignore.

While my mother was in her bedroom, I sat quietly on the floor in the corner of the living room, unwrapping the little bottles from their crinkly prisons, biting the tops of the chocolate bottles, drinking the surprisingly potent and yummy liquid therein, and then shoving the devoid remains into my mouth. I disposed of the wrappers by hiding them underneath the sofa, one at a time.

When I came to the end of my devious excursion, I was left with a tiny crate. The empty crate was a strong reminder of the wrongness of what I had just done. 64 empty squares stared up at me in accusation.

After pondering my guilt for a brief moment, I placed the empty crate underneath the sofa as well.

I don't know how long this process took. It could have been as little as fifteen minutes. It could have been as long as an hour and a half. But, knowing that my mother would not leave me alone for so long, especially when I was so quiet, it was probably a lesser amount of time rather than a longer amount. Either way, she had some inkling that if it was too quiet, I was probably Up To Something.

She came out into the living room and looked at me suspiciously. By this time, I was sitting on the couch watching cartoons, wondering why the room was spinning like a top. Since she saw no evidence of tomfoolery, and since me watching cartoons looking like I was drunk was a normal occurrence, she went back into her room.

I thought I had gotten away with it... until later that night when she went to find the mini-crate and it was missing. That and me puking up something that smelled like rum and dark chocolate.

The End

Another book review

Soulless by Gail Carriger

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


I'll admit, I was a little disappointed when I started reading Soulless, but it really does pick up after the first few chapters. Her way of writing throws you for a loop at first, but stick with it and you'll get used to it in a way that doesn't translate into boredom.



I'll call this book charming, quaint, dirty, and completely satisfying. Alexia Tarabotti's adventures (or misadventures, as the case usually is) do not fail to keep you reading. I will be reading the next two books in this trilogy like devouring candy.



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L-O-V-E

When I was driving home from work today, I thought about someone that I was formerly obsessed with who is no longer in my life now. I wondered, What could I have done to prevent that situation? The truth is: Nothing.

When someone tells you they love you, and then if and when you come to the same realization only to find their love for you was only passing fancy, what happens? Obsession.

I couldn't fathom it. How could this have been someone that I thought would always be in my life, no matter what happened? And how could he just suddenly not feel the same, and then disappear out of my life?

I've come to realize that we were on two wavelengths: he went after me purely out of curiosity and unconcerned as to the damage he might incur to our friendship, and I went after him thinking he would be my soul mate and the risk would be worth it. I was really foolish and naive. I opened myself up to someone I deemed worthy, and I was wrong. I never thought I was a "I can fix him" kind of girl, but that was another symptom of the obsession. I hope I know better now. I don't think it's a misplaced hope, but life's road stretches out before me, and I know there's more mistakes to be made and lessons to learn. I hope I don't have to learn that one again.

A very conscious decision

Hello again, all.

I have removed my Nanowrimo word counter from this page, because I have decided not to do Nanowrimo this year. I am still absolutely in support of everyone that attempts the monumental undertaking of writing a novel in one month's time, but I know that I will not be able to do it this year.

A couple of reasons:

1) It's time to get serious about this religion business. Not because I am a serious person, not because my particular religion is so solemn, but because of my attitude towards it. I have been a practicing Pagan since eighteen years old, with quotes around the "practicing" part. I feel very much I've been talking the talk and not walking the walk, and I'm focused on changing that. And yes, Nano is only for the month of November, but Nano is to the detriment of everything else I want to continue to do throughout this month.

2) The boy has not read my successful attempt at Nano yet. He started, but hasn't finished, and that successful attempt happened two years ago. Since he was the motivating factor for my completion of Nano, and since he was inspiration for one of the characters, I feel very unmotivated about this whole Nano endeavor knowing that he hasn't read my successful novel. I know that that shouldn't be the point of Nano, but I still feel the lack of motivation.

3) Any writing I do this month will very much be of the nonfiction variety, mostly having to do with my burgeoning attempts at codifying my beliefs into words. Nano is decidedly all about fiction pursuits.

Please, if anyone reads this, do not be dissuaded by my lack of motivation if you're thinking about attempting NaNoWriMo. There is no feeling quite like winning Nano.

For more info on NaNoWriMo, go to nanowrimo.org.

Book of Shadows

Book of Shadows: A Modern Woman's Journey into the Wisdom of Witchcraft and the Magic of the Goddess by Phyllis Curott

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


On second reading of this book, I realized that my life now is mirroring the author's, with the whole "Persephone's descent into the Underworld" theme. All that glitters most certainly is not gold, and the thing of true value in this world are our spirits.

An amazing book, and highly recommended for those people still seeking out their own form of spirituality.



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unfounded fears of a tarot reader, strangeness, and other stuff

The Tarot of the Boroughs launch party went fabulously well, and though I only got to do short readings for four people, the night was most certainly not wasted! And my boyfriend bought the Tarot of the Boroughs deck, so I was both proud and pleased.

It always amuses me the types of people that are attracted to readers of any kind. There really are some weirdos out there, and I certainly wasn't spared from that at the launch party, because one of them sat at my table. He was a very strange guy that gave off that "not quite there" vibe. But, since he sat at my table, I had to read for him. I think the reading went fine and I was accurate, but I wouldn't know since I never remember what I say to people during readings; the info's for them and not for me, that's why I don't retain it. Dave (my boyfriend) told me later on that the strange guy had spoken to him earlier, asking him the reason why he had attended the event, and Dave had pointed over to me at my table and said, "My girlfriend's doing readings." So, in a way, I sort of had a bouncer for the event. But sure enough, as soon as Dave wasn't in the room, said strange guy (who had been hovering around my table) went ahead and sat down.

I suppose there's various levels of weirdness. I consider myself a little strange, as well as most of the people I get along with. A little weird is a good thing, I feel. And then there are the people that give off that strange vibe that have what I like to call "crazy eye". You've seen it before, I'm sure. Try looking for it the next time you see a mugshot of a cult leader or something like that. I swear that this guy I read for had it. I would have preferred walking over hot coals than read for him. I felt my spirit pulling back away from the table, and just wanted to crawl into a small part of myself and stay there. So I read for him, and I remember him nodding, and leaning in to hear what I had to say, but leaning in toward me too much. Very uncomfortable!

Other than that, it was a great event and I had a good time.

Confessions of a Nervous Tarot Reader

I figured it's more appropriate to post this on my personal blog more so than my tarot blog. Tarot blog = trying to give off the appearance of a "professional". Personal blog = somehow okay to admit that sometimes I'm scared shitless of giving strangers readings.

I will be doing my tarot thing at the Tarot of the Boroughs launch party tomorrow from 8-9:30pm at the Bowery Poetry Club. For more information, go to my tarot blog (tarotspell.blogspot.com).

And now for the whining, "I suck" portion of my post. I am very nervous about reading at this event, because I will be reading with the deck Tarot of the Boroughs, which I just received on Monday. I will be bringing my default deck (The Llewellyn Tarot) with me as a backup. However, since this is the launch party for TOB, the emphasis is on the new deck. My thoughts run as follows: "I'm nervous; what if I'm not accurate?; I shouldn't be using my default deck as a crutch; etc."

No more time to think about it. Might as well not be nervous, because I already said I'd do it! ARgh!